Reminder about gradings and confidentiality
The gist of it is that grading panels members do not know how other members vote. It is completely inappropriate to try and find out which panel member may have given you a failing grade. If you inadvertently find out, please keep the information to yourself and also let the VKR know how this information came to be in your possession, so procedure can be tightened preventing this happening again.
Panel members are approachable for general feedback from their point of view. They may or may not choose to tell you which way they voted, however by asking them directly you put them in an invidious position. Better to just seek feedback on what aspects of your Kendo need work before the next grading. While it is hugely disappointing and frustrating to fail, you should remember that in Kendo there is no limit to the number of times you can try, nor is there an age limit on how old you can be to grade. Just keep trying.